Diversity - Part 3 - Every encounter is a mirror-reflection
Diversity is a unifying force because first, it teaches us how to distinguish between differences which are a threat and those which are not. Second, it teaches us how to combine differences to solve our most difficult problems. And third, it teaches us how to use differences to create the future we desire. Let’s examine each of these statements in greater detail in the following sections.
Have you ever noticed how upset we sometimes become when discussing religious, political, or cultural differences? It’s like another part of our personality takes control of our behaviors. This part of our personality views the other person or the other point-of-view more precisely, as a personal threat—when in fact, no personal threat exists. Sometimes we are even activated to physical aggression.
Learning to experience differing points-of-view as non-threatening requires a transformation in the way we have programmed our thinking. Diversity helps us to identify the major perceptions that are the source of reactive behaviors. It also provides guidelines for discovering effective ways to permanently eliminate such programming; which I will discuss later as small acts of kindness.
Some years ago, I experienced a seminar series that changed my life. There were twenty of us who met over eight consecutive weekends. The purpose of the seminar series was to remove personal barriers to unlimited success. I particularly remember the weekend I was attempting to resolve my beliefs about racial differences—having grown up in the south. My initial comments focused on what white people believed about me as an African-American. The facilitator quickly reframed the conversation about the beliefs I had about myself. He suggested that my emotional reaction to racial comments was “possibly” due to racial programming within me; adopted at an early age. This was a moment of truth. I could either deny his suggestion or explore new territory. The instant I let go of denial there was an overwhelming emotional release, like a dam had been broken. The truth of my own programming about being inferior was clearly evident. The opinions I believed others had about me were my own hidden perceptions. I eventually realized how much these perceptions had limited my professional success.
I learned that no one has the power to control my emotions or behaviors. The more I viewed someone’s opinion of me as a reflection of themselves, the more I was free to determine the most appropriate behavioral response where racial issues—real or imagined—were involved. My nugget of wisdom from that experience was,
“That which I dislike in others is a mirror reflection of myself.”
—Unknown
At the end of the eight-week series, the seminar group were friends for life. We still continue to support each others’ careers. Most of all, I experienced what it was like to be so united with a group that our relationship was like one large family.
As suggested above, diversity helps us to discover, constructively confront, and resolve self-limiting perceptions. It also teaches us how to distinguish between differences that are truly threatening and those that require a change in our thinking. The most powerful learning experiences involving change are constructive interactions with someone who is different. Such interactions almost always result in a change in the perceptions we may have about each other. This change in mind-set is defined as personal transformation. The natural result of transformation is unity—learning to compatibly live and work together to achieve our goals in life.
Transforming Differences from a Problem to an Opportunity
When we are open, receptive, and proactive about resolving a problem, a two-step process usually occurs. The first step is a shift in thinking from a problem to a challenge. The second step is a shift from a challenge to an opportunity.
The way we respond to a problem or an opportunity is different. The experience of solving a problem is tiring and energy-depleting whereas the experience of brainstorming an opportunity is exciting and energizing. The natural result of brainstorming is a more powerful solution which is equally exciting and energizing when put into practice.
Several years ago, our consulting firm, Innovations International, was faced with declining sales. Some of us felt we should simply work harder and others felt we should reinvent ourselves. Our initial response to this dilemma was to assume we had a problem. Therefore, our strategy was to improve marketing, make more sales calls, and use “hard” sales tactics to reverse this trend. In spite of these efforts, sales continued to decline. Fortunately, we quickly decided to “reframe” our situation as an opportunity.
The first thing we did was to consider ourselves to be a new consulting firm in our field of expertise. That meant we had no attachments to the way things had been done in the past. We were free to create a new reality. It also meant that we were free to explore new programs, presentation formats, and less necessity for our direct involvement. Our customers could be more empowered to implement our consulting services. This approach allowed the “opportunity” to serve more customers, create new programs, and use more creative approaches in facilitating organizational transformation—which is our mission.
However, marketing and sales were still a crucial part of our operation. When we combined our new approach with an expanded customer base, both marketing and sales became easier. Marketing was more like offering something new that was wanted and needed by our customers. Sales was their realization of the value of our new offering and the subsequent choice to purchase. The result was a wildly successful response from our customers.
Conclusion: the most powerful way to resolve a problem involving differences is to reframe the problem as an opportunity. Most of all, I am strongly influenced by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe’s quote, the 18th century German poet, who wrote,
“When you commit to something, particularly in moments of crisis, unforeseen resources will come to your aid that you could never have predicted.”
This statement of faith is the basis I use for resolving problems, challenges, or even crises.
Integrating Differences to Create Our Desired Reality
From birth, (and possibly before), we begin programming ourselves to respond to the world based upon our day-to-day experiences. Our unique programming is based upon our natural survival instinct. The people in our lives (most commonly, parents) play a crucial role in our design of reality. The problem with this decision-making process, at such an early age, is that we lack the wisdom to distinguish between experiences which are truly threatening and those which are not. For example, if our parents’ learned response to significant differences in people was avoidance, then there is a good probability we also adopted the same behaviors. If they embraced differences, then we probably learned to embrace them also. Therefore, maturing is the life-long process of learning how to compatibly adapt to the inevitable differences we encounter. This is the essence of diversity.
There are wide-eyed little people who believe you’re always right. In their little minds you are setting an example every day in all you do for them to grow up to be just like you.
—Unknown
Books like My Mother, Myself or sayings like “The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree” are examples of this quote.
The more aware we are of how we are programmed, the easier it is to determine our experiences of others. We obviously cannot control the experiences of others, but we can certainly influence their experience of us. In addition, the more aware we are of our own inner motivations, the more appropriately we can respond out of choice rather than from a
programmed behavior learned as a child. For example, when we find ourselves confronted with significant differences in perceptions, such as the ideas of younger generations, we might first recall the quote of St. Francis of Assisi,
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Having created this “space in time” between experience and response allows us to see the world through their eyes. It allows us to stop and question our strongly held opinions by reflecting on the world we have created. Upon reflection, we may open ourselves to “see” new possibilities that didn’t previously exist. The key is to focus on the message more than the source or style of delivery.
Individuals with this level of openness are said to be “spiritually connected.” They are naturally receptive to the views of others. They recognize that one person does not have all the answers but working together we can resolve any challenge. They also have the ability to freely express the inner dimensions of themselves, such as creativity, imagination, insight, intuition, and a holistic view of the world. These individuals have learned to not only use the power of their minds but the power of something greater than themselves to create their experience of life; thereby, measurably influencing the reality they experience. Such individuals are not “special.” The truth is we all experience this state, but in vastly different proportions of time. Being this way begins with learning how to live compatibly with those we experience most.
